Even though I was born a christian, I accepted Jesus when I was in my early tweens , when I attended a Pentecostal meeting. I was very happy at the time and I loved reading the Bible. As I blossomed into teenage, the world opened up, so many new things…. I couldn’t say “NO” to. Soon I realized that even though I wanted to be a child of GOD, my mind and body started to resist it.
I started to realize that Christians were not fun to be around. They seemed so serious, never did anything fun and they were always prayerful. It just wasn’t fun to be a christian. In fact every time I was reminded by the thought of being a christian, I felt sad and depressed. Deep inside though, I still wanted to be one, but I couldn’t live with hypocrisy. I was trying to be something I was not, I couldn’t blend in. If I ever dared to hang out with Christians, every one else would see right through me. There was no Christian bone inside me. I would not only be ashamed of myself, but I would become a shame to my christian friends and family.
I struggled most of my life, mostly in despair, because I couldn’t be the one I wanted to be. Repentance means, turning away from sin. You always hear stories about this great sinner who completely turned away from his sin and never looked back. You try to apply that to your life, but it just doesn’t work. I found that I kept repeating my mistakes, like a dog that licks it’s own vomit.
How is this possible? How can we be covered by the saving grace of Christ, yet continue to wallow in our sins. What does it mean to be a follower of Christ, when you cannot wake from your slumber, when your sin is ever before you?
I now realize that the saving grace of Christ is like a balm that covers you. It protects you and reminds you that you need to walk away from your sin, even when you are too weak to walk away. It is the gentle reminder that whispers to you that hope is still out there.
After half of a life time, I also realize now that the reason I could not walk away from my sin was because, I did not hate my sin hard enough, I still loved what it gave me. The saint was able to walk away from his sin because he has been fighting that fight for a long time just like you. It didn’t happen over night, but people like to over emphasize the greatness of the saint. We are ever reminded to focus on the kindness and grace of GOD, but yet we focus on the works of men.
If you cant walk away from your sin, know that your time is not yet at hand. When you finally do get over it, you will appreciate the greatness of GOD more than anyone else you know off.
So hang in there….!!!!! He is patient enough to see you through…