I’m struggling to not be an alcoholic.

I’m probably an alcoholic. My dad, brother and sister are. I started a new job and everything has fallen apart for me mentally. I come home from work before my wife gets home and I have a drink to take the edge off. I have another because the first one wasn’t enough. I have a pretty low tolerance so I have a couple more and I’m pretty buzzed up.

I’m usually a pretty chill drunk but every once in a while I’m a dick. I argue with my wife. Im cold. I wish weed was legal here and I could have an edible and just chill but that’s not the case and I know I need to find a healthy coping mechanism for my stress. I hate the fact I’m too weak to figure this out on my own. I hate that I feel I NEED a drink. I hate this weakness that I’ve let take over my life. I hate that I can’t talk about it because I’m too much of a bitch to admit that it’s something I don’t have control over.

People may laugh about this because it’s only been 1.5 weeks that this has been going on but I know where this is heading and I feel like I’m not in control to stop it. I don’t know how to stop it.

I’m the strong one people lean on. I’m the one people look to for advice. I’m the one who has his shit together. I’m a farce.

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